New Realities and their relationship with space and time

"What is extraordinary about it is not its transmission of reality but its creation of a new mechanical image of reality.  If we simply wanted to see reality, it is all around us, but seeing a film presents us with a strange apparition, a photochemical imprint of the world...The resulting image does not so much transcend reality as produce an alien perception of reality, sensitive to unknown qualities. The surrealism of the film image lies precisely in making us aware of a reality beyond out knowledge."

(The Body in Film, 17)

For my final project I will create a photo installation that is interactive and explores the statement above.  By presenting photos of familiar faces, bodies and objects as well as video footage of dancers moving through space I want to investigate what they represent to the audience and onlooker.  What do these images mean?  Are they seen as reality?  A representation? Does the image content dictate the on-lookers response to whether they see the photo as reality?

I will find a space that is fairly neutral so that I can display photos and projections where the audience can move in  close proximity with them.  I would also like to ask some of the dancers who are seen in the film to then dance as a live experience juxtapose with the film footage.  What are the differences? What makes them similar?  I will also leave paper and pencils near the photos and have questions for the audience to respond to.

Personal practice journal

Working through and with different approaches to learning movement faster and anything else since this is my journal…

Oct. 2, 2014

2:30 pm

We just learned a cool sequence across the floor and I sort of know it.  Do things always have to be learned fast?  I don’t think so but I’m trying to acquire pick up skills at a much quicker speed than I am able at the moment. 

Erin and I stayed after class today to work on the combination. I’m realizing that I like working in small groups or with a partner.  I get lost in large groups sometimes and the mass numbers stress me out.  That’s how I am with friends, parties, and other activities.  I’m a small group gal.

Erin made a video of us and I felt confidence that I knew what I was doing.  I’m pretty glad and also happy that 10 minutes of extra practice after class can help so much.

As we worked together on the material we are motivated and are minds are focused.  It’s nice to master something that is difficult.   There is more space.  Only a little time before the next class starts but that is enough to gather thoughts, and work a embodying something.  Erin and I are becoming better friends.  We’ve found through various conversations that we have a lot in common with regard to eating practices, how stress affects us, and how we seek peace and balance.

Our friendship is growing. 

this little snail spoke to me as I left the studio. I wanted to protect him from being stepped on during his slow trek to somewhere...

Oct. 4, 2014

9:00 pm

I come to rehearsal early to work through some difficult combinations that I want to understand more clearly with my body.

My personal rhythm seems slow and sustained as I work through combinations from class. I love being alone yet I miss the luxury of asking someone if what I’m remembering is correct…and the music is absent.  I’m going to use my own next time I come.  Large spaces are inviting and make me feel comfortable and spoiled.  I feel calm and love to work alone like a meditation to remember sequences. Classmates started to come into the space and join me.  

There was strength in numbers and a sense of collaboration as we collected our understandings from the previous classes to work through combinations. 

I can’t decide what is better for me…to work alone or with a group?  I choose both at different times. 

I love calmness and space as I learn.  I’m brought back to a time when I was taking a very intense and demanding anatomy class.  On sat. I would go to the lab to study the cadavers and it was often a very busy day with many students trying to examine the bodies in the limited space.  I would leave sometimes without getting any study time in just to be away from the crowd, the stress, the competitive nature and feel of the space.

I don’t learn at my peak ability under chaos and stress.  Today proves helpful.

Things I felt today:

Peaceful, sweaty, eager to learn, thankful, open, there is enough time…

 Oct. 5, 2014

I missed class on Friday.  Kanani videotaped one of the sequences that we will be tested on and sent it to me.  I’m trying to find ways to pick up material in class faster.  Quick pick up is something that I struggle with yet there is the occasional day where I feel very able (though those days are few and far between). 

The kids are busy.  I open up the file and watch.  The movement sequence is longer than I expected so right away I am already feeling overwhelmed.  I learn the first four counts.  There is something inside me just wants to stop and learn the sequence watching a person in front of me.  I think that this experiment of learning material directly from a video would be more helpful if I had it as a review or resource for something that I already knew. 

I’m dancing in front of the counter so that I can see the video.  My large living room rug has textured designs that make the surface uneven-probably not the most convenient for dancing.  I keep dancing. The space is small but that doesn’t really bother me.  It’s a petite allegro.  It’s kind of a hellish.

I watch it a few more times and then call it good.  I’m tired and I really need to rest.  My mind is spinning with class material to read, places and spaces that I need to be at for the next day, and things I need to perform and turn in.  I’m kind of done for the moment.  I’m going to go to class and see if any of this helped. 

Follow up 11 October 2014: 

nope…pretty much did poorly but we were able to redo the exam for the section and after relearning with the class I did much better.  I’m better at learning things with a live teacher…possibly size matters too.  Maybe the space of the screen made it difficult for me as well. 

Oct. 11, 2014

Yesterday I used our warm up time before our late night show to slowly and carefully go over class movement again.  I noticed that since it was the same day that I was able to remember much easier than if I had waited a day.  I learn through repetition and more repetition.  Two other dancers came to join in and we clarified steps, body placement and counts (Emi and Kanani). 

It was nice to work together and feel a sense of ownership. This is another example of working together to understand and master something.  I’m seeing a pattern the way I learn best and I’m also seeing that I’m starting to improve me pick up skills. 

One of the things Amy said in class is that we have to fight to really know sequences and also pay attention to detail, and not be complacent (I’m paraphrasing).  I noticed that right before doing our across the floor sequence I wanted to sit down and chill.  I didn’t want to keep going but I did.  Yet, I told myself to focus and keep going and the result was positive.  I wasn’t immediately able to do everything faster but I set an intention and that is helping me see little improvements not only in my pick up skills but also in my ability to stay positive and emotionally healthy in class—not get down on myself for not getting things.

Oct. 11, 2014

Tonight was out last late night performance so I thought I’d do what I’ve done for the past few shows and take warm up time to personally go over combinations.  Dancers were all doing their own thing for the most part and my review could also serve as a warm up since I wasn’t ready to do it full out.  I noticed that spaces were created—separate spaces within the bigger space and I could see the change in energy from space to space.  Some spaces were calm.  Others were social while one group space seemed more lively.

I went inward to focus and rethink what I’d learned. I’m noticing that my personal practice has a lot to do with calming myself so that I can clear my mind.  One of the themes for the night seemed to be independence.  The individual spaces with their energy lines brought an independence to the room that was very inviting.  People doing what they needed to mentally prepare for the show.

I worked alone today and didn’t go over any sequences.  I observed.  I thought about my placement.  I took time to move my joints and then stretch.

It was personal.  It was my practice for the evening.  Keeping it simple tonight. 

Oct. 12, 2014

My husband took the kids to the Humane Society to play with the cats and kittens.  I have about an hour and a half to myself.  I decide that I’d like to try visualizations as I am lying down as a way to increase my ability to remember sequences. 

I close my eyes and the images of dancing in class come to mind.  I’m tired.  I keep trying and review a bit more.  The images in my mind are fuzzy and surreal—not because I don’t remember what comes next but because I’m tired and it starts to feel like a dream.  My mind begins to wonder….I’m out.

  

I’ve heard that the time right before your mind goes to sleep and the time right after a person falls asleep are very good times for memorization.  If this is the case my visualization isn’t all in vain.  I’m just so tire these days that the same thing happens when I meditate…I fall asleep.  It ends up being very productive rest and I feel so much better after but I’d still like to be able to calm my mind without being so desperate to shut my mind off.  I’m a high anxiety person and I wonder if that is one of the reasons I get so tired so easily. ..

This reminds me of when Jason and I went to hypno Birthing and regularly practiced meditations before the birth of Soren.  I needed only to hear my husband’s calm deep voice and after a few sentences I was asleep. I think he really wished that I could stay away for the entire meditation but my body has this kind of awesome and kind of annoying ability to fall asleep almost instantly when the conditions are right. 

Some questions I have for myself:

Can I learn to meditate without sleeping?  I have before for sure but I’d like to be able to do it consistently.

Can I meditate while I’m sleeping?

Can I embrace my jumping mind?

 Oct. 14

Middle Aged Existential Dancing Crisis

Today I will theorize about my personal practice.  Why do I have one?  Why am I trying to improve my pick up skill?  What does any of it mean?  Why do I want to move and dance when I’m actually not that interesting to others?  Sometimes I think “who the fuck cares?”  I mean the other day I saw a homeless family as I was driving home and I’m so sick about the horrible inequality in the world.  Sometimes when I think about poverty in the world I lose interest in dance and want to leave it all and do something different.   Who the fuck cares about dance when people don’t have homes and food and education…I think if I keep writing about these things I will either feel completely downhearted and defeated or maybe I can start to find connections to what I do and how it can facilitate change.

Gonna be totally honest right now and say sometimes I totally admire self-promoting artists and performers and other times I think there is so much more important shit to think about in the world.  I feel the same way about religion—love it and hate it for how much good and bad it does…

My friend and fellow dancer, Sherisa, went to a dance/education conference years ago in Brazil and during one of the discussions it became pretty heated between Israeli and Palestinian members of the conference when one person questioned (while referring to the long standing conflict on the West Bank) why they were even talking about dance when their children don’t have enough food.

That’s my question too sometimes.

I love Marxism. I love it. I do. 

I read this poem many years ago by Mark Strand and my husband just brought home a compilation of poems that contained this very poem. 

Here it is:

Keeping Things Whole

In a field

I am the absence

of the field.

This is

always the case.

Wherever I am

I am what is missing.

When I walk

I part the air

and always

the air moves in

to fill the spaces

where my body’s been.

We all have reasons

for moving.

I move

to keep things whole.

I dance to keep my things whole.  To be part of things.  It isn’t a love story.  But, sometimes it is.  I dance because of necessity.  I move be connected. 

Ciao ciao

Oct. 15

Tonight I decided to watch some videos from class of myself dancing to gain more insight into my own movement and see where I am struggling.  I use to avoid seeing myself on video when I was younger.  Now I actually appreciate it and like to see what going on with my body and see what my feelings look like…which is really strange because the video isn’t me. 

I like torsos. I like twisting. I like downward movement.

Torsos, twisting, downward, sequential

The gut engaged

Telling the limbs it’s ok

You dig me?

If you dig me…

When I listen to Tom Waits I always get inspired.   He vocalizes how I want to dance.  It’s not “pretty” --it’s gritty and tough and scratchy and simple and complex and gorgeous.